10 Dates
by musiksnob
Summary: How Clare and Eli spend their spring break. Set between Tonight, Tonight and Bittersweet Symphony. Eclare.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Degrassi or anything else.**

**This is a two-shot and I wrote it for my wonderful friend LiteraryLolita's birthday (though I didn't even get the first half up before then. Oops!)**

**This fic is actually pretty significant for two reasons.**

**1. This is my 50****th**** Degrassi fic. That's pretty crazy. I know that number is so large due to the fact that I started out writing oneshots, but I'm pretty proud of the fact that I've been consisting writing fanfiction for more than two and a half years.**

**2. This is the first fic I have ever written in third person, present tense. It actually turned out better than I expected though I know it's not the greatest thing I've ever written. But I'm kind of glad I tried it. I may try some third person fics in the future though I am definitely going back to past tense. I like to have my characters think about the past WAY too often to make present tense work consistently.**

**Since this is somewhat of an experimental fic, please go easy on me. There's nothing more disheartening than getting a bunch of flames because you tried something new or because people don't like when you write stories in the middle of the long fic that they prefer.**

**Thanks for all your support and Happy Birthday Cortney!**

* * *

_Friday_

Clare hopes that no one notices her bruised lips and flushed cheeks when she and Eli arrive at Fiona's party, nearly two hours after the Battle of Bands ended and one past fashionably late. She has a new curfew now and access to the truck, and even though she spent most of the last two hours trying unsuccessfully to get up the courage to invite Eli to lay down in the back of it with her, she feels like she's accomplished something tonight.

She tries to convince Eli to dance with her though she knows she'll never look as good as Bianca, who is currently putting on quite a show. But Eli is preoccupied with complaining that Adam and Becky Baker are now a 'thing' which means Eli will have to spend more time with that "narrow-minded Suzy Sunshine control freak." Clare reminds him that he may be more tolerant and wear black clothing but he's every bit as controlling as Ms. Sunshine herself. Eli whines and Clare makes amends by standing on her tiptoes and sucking that pouty bottom lip between her own.

Drew's catcalls and Adam's vomiting noises are the only things that can tear her away.

"One dance?" she asks.

The music is slow and sappy, and the other couples are paired off: Drew and Bianca, Adam and Becky, Fiona and Imogen. Eli rolls his eyes, but accepts her hand and pulls her to him.

"This is the first time we've ever danced," Clare says. Eli's not a clumsy dancer but his insistence on holding Clare as close as physically possible tangles their feet as they sway to the soft beat.

"Not true," Eli corrects.

"In public," she says pointedly.

"It's better in your bedroom," he smirks. "Much like some other things."

Clare blushes and lightly socks his arm. "You mean you didn't enjoy yourself in the front seat of the truck just a little while ago?" she teases, though she lowers her voice and leans into Eli's ear so no one will overhear. She can't help but grin at the memory of their long, lingering kisses and Eli's gentle hands caressing up and down her sides through the fabric of her shirt.

"Of course I did," he says without lowering his voice. "But I like it better when we're lying down and you're on top of me."

"Jesus Christ," Adam says as he and Becky spin past them. "Can't you stop it with the dirty talk when you're in my presence?"

"Adam!" Becky admonishes. "You shouldn't take the Lord's name in vain." She blushes. "Or talk about Eli's sinful words."

"Sorry Becky," Eli says dramatically. "I will keep my sinful words…" He gave Clare a devilish look. "And my _very_ sinful hands to myself."

Becky shoots him a disapproving look and Adam pulls her away, dancing her across the floor at a tempo too fast for the slow ballad.

"You have to learn to get along with her," Clare reminds Eli again. "For Adam's sake."

He stares off at his best friend, who is placating his new girlfriend with a quick peck on the lips. "At least I got the non-judgmental Christian girl." He leans down for a kiss of his own, a decidedly longer and deeper kiss than Adam and Becky had shared. "The sexier one as well."

Clare misses his lips as soon as they leave hers. "We still have an hour until my curfew," she says, enjoying Eli's raised eyebrows and pleased expression. "Did you want to try out the back of the truck?"

"Goodnight Fiona!" Eli calls as he heads toward the door, dragging Clare behind him. "Bye Adam, Drew, Imogen, Bianca! Everyone else!"

* * *

_Saturday_

Eli is a little grumpy when Clare wakes him up at 10 a.m. and tells him to get out of bed and that she'll be there in 30 minutes. It's all he can do to hop in the shower and pull some clothes on before she arrives. He's slightly mollified when she hands him a thermos full of coffee, prepared with exactly the right amount of sugar.

Eli's not sure he'll ever get used to Clare driving him around in Jake's red pickup truck. It was kind of hot at first, watching her face light up as she puts the car in gear and gently taps the accelerator. But it's making him miss Morty, and having a driver's license, and the freedom that provides.

It doesn't help that Clare's not the greatest driver either, and her inexperience shows as she narrowly avoids a semi-truck as she merges onto Rt. 400, before admitting that this is her first experience on the freeway as she's just gotten her G2 license. But soon she settles into a rhythm and Eli's grip on the door handle relaxes.

She won't tell him where they are headed, but it's spring break and Eli feels ready for an adventure. He's surprised when the trip takes nearly two hours and he feels foolish when he begins to recognize the few buildings along the dark and twisting backroads after Clare exits the highway. She's taking him to the Martin family lakehouse, and Eli recalls the trip he made out here on his bike last summer.

And the horrible trip home where Clare flirted with Jake openly while Eli pretended his heart wasn't breaking all over again.

But things are different now and Eli can only appreciate how wonderful things are between him and Clare. How supportive she's been even though he knows that leaving her next year is going to be hard on both of them. He's glad they can spend this time together, away from their parents and even their friends.

When they arrive, Clare unpacks the cooler she had thoughtfully packed and bungeed down in the back of the truck and sets a blanket out on the dock so they can eat a picnic lunch together. They are quiet, much like most of their ride up, but it is a comfortable, companionable silence.

Clare opens a Tupperware container filled with strawberries and holds one out to him. He shakes his head and watches as she bites into the fruit, her innocent gesture filling him with unexpected lust. To break the silence, Eli says, "I wish you had told me we were coming here. I could have brought my bathing suit."

Clare giggles. "It's April! The water is freezing."

"Is it?" he teases. "How do you know? Maybe I should throw you in and you can tell me for sure."

He reaches out for her and Clare scrambles to her feet. "I have my phone," she warns. "And I don't relish the thought of explaining to my mother why I need another new phone this year."

Clare has told Eli the story of her time with the drug dealing cult but Eli still can barely believe it happened. But her words remind him that Clare's rebellious actions hadn't stopped once she'd left. "So where does Helen think you are today?"

"I told her we went to the lake," she says defiantly, but backs down right away. "Lake Ontario."

Eli grins. "Don't you think she's going to notice the mileage on the truck?"

Clare's eyes widen but she shrugs off the thought. "If anyone noticed it'd be Jake or Glen and I doubt either of them would care. Mom only drives the Civic. Besides, Jake is going to freaking Mexico, so I think spending a few hours at the lake with my boyfriend is pretty reasonable."

"A few unsupervised hours," Eli jokes. He glances at the thin dress she's wearing and is grateful for the sunny weather. "We could go skinny dipping," he suggests though he knows Clare will never go for it.

"Not even if it were 38 degrees right now," Clare says.

"Really? Not even then?" Eli asks skeptically.

She sighs. "Maybe in our underwear."

"Really," Eli says, his voice chirpy with this unexpected bit of good news. He pulls his t-shirt over his head and is surprised at Clare's outburst of laughter.

"Not now!" she shrieks playfully. "Only if it was blazing hot, which it definitely isn't."

"I could make you hot," Eli says gruffly. He's never this direct with her, always gentle and loving, but Clare's suggestion that they strip down is all he could think of. He unzips his jeans, waiting for her to protest, but she's watching him with a slackened jaw, putting on a façade of shock and horror that Eli knows is covering up feelings she doesn't know how to deal with.

He's in his boxers and she's staring at his chest and his legs and everything in between, and Eli takes advantage of her distraction and grabs the phone out of her pocket, tossing it onto the grass, away from the lake's lapping tide. "No phone," he taunts and Clare looks nervous. Eli wonders if he's pushing her too far but decides that if Clare wants this to stop she'll let him know. "Do you really want to drive home in a wet dress?"

It takes a few seconds but Clare bravely meets his gaze before pulling the dress over her head. She is wearing a plain blue cotton bra and underwear and she looks fucking brilliant and Eli is shocked when she pushes him off the dock and into the water. It's freezing and he's glad he's got boxers on because the water is doing cruel things to his junk, and he wonders if Clare is playing him when he hears a dainty splash next to him. She comes up sputtering and squeals at the cold and he wraps his arms around her, loving the feeling of her exposed wet skin.

The moment is short lived. Clare pushes him away and climbs the ladder to the dock, grabbing her dress in one hand and her phone in the other before Eli can even process what's happening. "First one to the house gets the shower!" she yells before taking off at full-speed.

"We can share," Eli yells back before pulling himself out of the frigid water and picking up his own clothes. He finds a linen closet once he gets back into the house and wraps himself in a large beach towel, shivering as the freezing droplets trickle from his hair to his shoulders. A hot shower sounds like heaven but there's only one bathroom and he knows Clare isn't ready for him to join her – no matter how much he wants to.

As his upper body dries he wraps the towel around his waist and pulls off his boxers, wringing them out in the kitchen sink. He hopes Clare gets out of the shower soon, and realizes that she most likely will have to drive them home wearing nothing underneath her dress. That thought makes him hard and the thought of slipping a hand up her skirt while she's driving makes him harder and he wishes not for the first time that Clare didn't have a purity pledge that she was insistent upon maintaining because all he wants to do is join her in that shower, push her against the wall and fuck her until she screams his name.

Clare opens the washroom door while he's thinking of this, and she's got the towel wrapped around her hair rather than her body and it's clear there's no bra underneath her dress. Eli rushes past her but not before he sees her eyes go wide at the sight of his cock, hard and unmistakable underneath the towel. He can't even enjoy the hot water because all he can think about is Clare as he jerks off, holding his breath to keep himself from moaning her name.

He can't wait for the day when she'll be the one to do this to him. _Soon_, he hopes.

* * *

_Sunday_

Clare always spends Sundays with her family but this week it's more of a punishment than a choice. Last night, her mother was less than delighted when Clare had returned home from a lake not ten minutes away from their house over seven hours later, and when she took the truck to the grocery store since it blocked her Civic into the driveway, she realized that Clare had burned through nearly a full tank of gas in two days.

During breakfast before church, Clare is unable to lie at her mother's questioning and her mother is decidedly not pleased with her unchaperoned trip to the lakehouse with Eli, so at her mother's insistence, Clare spends her Sunday making sandwiches in the church kitchen and helping to distribute them to some of their shut-in parishioners. Although she had initially been reluctant, sitting down and talking to some of the elderly members of her church makes her realize that she has been distracted for the past two years and needs to increase the amount of volunteering she does. She knows it'll look good on her university applications – admission to Columbia is competitive – but she also misses doing something productive with her time that actually benefits someone besides herself.

Clare recalls that Degrassi has compulsory volunteer hours required for graduation, but the school doesn't provide much structure for completing them. Most students spend a few hours half-heartedly collecting pennies or canned goods to fulfill the minimum requirement. She wonders if there is a way for the student to collaborate school-wide on a large scale service project that would really make a difference in their community. During dinner with her mother and Glen – Jake has left for Mexico – Clare brainstorms possible volunteering ventures. Glen suggests that Clare run for Student Council so she'd have the power to implement her ideas, and Helen is so pleased at Clare's thoughtfulness that she allows her to go to the movies with Eli.

She is not allowed to take the truck.

Clare and Eli hold hands during the bus trip downtown and they don't let go until they are seated. Ever since Eli decided to apply for film school, he only wants to see arty, independent movies. Clare can appreciate a well-told story, but has grown tired of the amount of sex and nudity found in these films, as she worries that it will remind Eli of what he's missing out on. But tonight they manage to agree on a film – an indie dramedy with just enough darkness for Eli and just enough lightness for Clare.

When the lights go down, Eli links their fingers and stares straight at the screen. Clare smiles and does the same. While she loves kissing Eli, she's happy that he actually wants to watch the movies they see – at least the ones in the theatre.

As the film progresses, Clare can tell that Eli is loving it judging by the faint grin on his face that she can't help but glance at every few minutes. But halfway through the film there's a twist that hadn't been revealed in the trailer of the film and the main character's girlfriend dies unexpected.

The change in Eli is immediate. His breaths are deeper, his hands tense. He's blinking fast and Clare knows he's trying not to cry even though tears are streaking down her own face. She takes his hand in both of hers and strokes his fingers until he's able to relax them. The movie continues but Clare is back in reality.

She rests Eli's hand on her knee so she can reach down and grab a pack of Kleenex from her purse. But Eli shakes his head at the proffered tissue, and his fingers start to caress first her knee, then the beginning of her inner thigh. Clare is conflicted. They are in public, but his touch feels nice. They haven't done anything sexual below the waist yet, but Clare is astonishingly pleased that she didn't put her tights back on after her shower.

Eli's fingers creep up her leg, and she grabs his wrist to remove his hand from her skirt. "I'm sorry," he whispers.

"It's okay," she whispers back. "Just not here."

"Shhh!" a person behind them hissed and Eli settles for staring at Clare, gobsmacked by her response. She nudges her head toward the screen and they settle in for the finale as the protagonist decides to choose life over death.

When the film ends the theatre clears out, leaving Clare and Eli alone to watch the credits. "Are you okay?" Clare asks.

Eli nods. "Just wasn't expecting it. I'll have to read the reviews better next time." Clare stands and offers him her hand, but Eli remains seated. "Did you…?" He seems to be at a loss for words. "Did you mean what you said earlier? About not here?"

It takes Clare a second to realize what Eli is referring too and she's glad the theatre is still dark. "Yes," she says devilishly. "You can touch my knee anywhere else but this movie theatre."

Eli laughs grimly. "Should have known."

Clare grins and holds out her hand once more. "You can hold my hand everywhere."

Eli smiles in response and accepts, following her down the dark aisle toward the exit. "Okay, but you have to explain to Ms. Dawes why we had to move our desks together in English next week."

"And you'll have to explain to your NYU roommate whey you're also moving me in as well," Clare says. She's joking but a pang of sadness hits her when she remembers that won't be possible.

"If only," Eli says. He unlinks their hands, and Clare feels numb until his arms wrap around her. She buries her face in his neck and pretends that this hug makes up for the fact that she'll have to spend nearly eight months apart from him aside from breaks and scattered weekend visits.

She isn't ready to say goodbye and neither is he. They pause at the bus stop for just a moment. Then Eli walks her home.

* * *

_Monday_

Eli doesn't have any plans with Clare so he's surprised when she texts him at 7:30 and asks if he wants to go for a drive. When she picks him up she explains that her mother is out at choir practice and Glen said it was fine for her to take the truck. Eli has always felt a little weird around Clare's stepfather – he's a friendly enough guy but too outdoorsy for Eli – but he decides that from now on, Glen Martin is his new favourite person.

"We could go to the abandoned church," Clare suggests. "We haven't been there in a long time."

They hadn't, Eli recalls, and he'd used their lack of a car as an excuse to avoid returning as the remote area isn't well-serviced by bus or train. He knows that Clare has a different memory of what had once been a romantic hideaway for them. The last time Eli was there he had brought a shotgun and fired at a picture of his former love. He had never told Clare the truth about the depths of his depression preceding their breakup and he decides that there's no need to mention it now.

He's doing well, and he and Clare are happy, and the thought of Julia doesn't make him want to die anymore.

But when Clare pulls up to the abandoned church, it is clear that it's not only Eli and Clare who have changed. The entrance is gated now, and padlocked with a large chain. Eli climbs over the tall fence to see if it's even safe to enter their former sanctuary and it's clear that whoever discovered their secret place doesn't feel as fondly about it as they do. There are broken beer bottles everywhere and though Eli doesn't see any hypodermic needles, he wouldn't be surprised to find one. The sight of a condom wrapper followed quickly by the sight of the used condom is enough and he climbs back over the fence to give Clare the bad news that they'll have to find a new place to hide out from the world.

They find a clearing in the trees not too much further down the road and Clare drives onto the grass. It's darker here and Clare fishes a battery-operated lantern and a sleeping bag out of the large toolbox in the back of the truck. Eli wonders uncomfortably how she knew they'd be in there and hopes that it's not residual knowledge from when she dated Jake months ago. But as Clare unzips the sleeping bag and spreads it out in the bed of the truck for the two of them to lie down on together, Eli decides that it doesn't matter.

Eli pretends to look at the stars as he holds her hand but he wonders how long is appropriate to wait before kissing her. It's clear she has the same thought because before he can even turn toward her she wraps her arm around his chest and brings her lips to his. The kisses are slow and sensual and Eli caresses her cheek. Her hands slide underneath his shirt as she deepens the kiss and Eli wonders if she's going to take it off. It wouldn't be the first time but it reminds him of their trip to the lake and how she pulled her dress over her head and how he barely had a moment to enjoy it.

He lets his hands follow her lead, lightly touching her stomach and sides underneath her blouse. When she tugs on his shirt, asking him without words to remove it, he pulls it over his head. He can see her eyes light up in the lantern's soft glow and he feels like this is the best chance he'll have. "Can I?" he asks, tugging lightly at the hem of her blouse.

She bites her lip and shakes her head. Eli doesn't want to push her, but he also doesn't understand what has changed in the last two days. "You took your dress off at the lake," he reminds her gently.

"That was sort of like wearing a bathing suit," she explains. "But that excuse isn't going to work if someone finds us here."

"No one's going to find us," he whispers. He kisses down her neck and his hands creep further up her shirt. She has let him feel her through her bra but he would give anything to see exactly what he's touching. "And if they did, I'd cover you with the sleeping bag."

Clare's eyes flutter closed as he sucks on her earlobe. "Mmmm," she whimpers. She runs a hand down his chest. "Your skin feels so nice."

"Imagine it pressed against yours," Eli says suggestively.

Clare gasps as if the thought has just occurred to her and Eli grins at her innocence. He's very surprised when she pulls him close by his hips and spreads her legs to create room for him on top of her. "You can unbutton it," she whispers. "Don't take it off."

"Awesome," Eli says, smirking, his fingers making quick work of the row of buttons. "What about the bra?"

"Don't push it," she warns.

In the dim light of the lantern, she is ever bit as perfect as he's imagined.

* * *

_Tuesday_

When the doorbell rings after dinner, it takes Clare a second to realize that it is probably Eli on the other side – after all, she did invite him to help her work on an article she is writing to submit for publication in an online journal for high school students.

And she knows the reason the invitation slipped her mind is that Eli's mouth had been moving across the top of her breast and into her cleavage at the time she had made it. She had intended to distract him, as his newfound access to her breasts had left him uninterested in the talking portion of the date.

If Clare is honest with herself, she has to admit that she was also trying to distract herself; the sexy feelings Eli was creating within her were making her want _more_ and the closer she got to him the harder it was to keep that from happening.

Clare's memories of their heated makeout are distracting her once again and she is unable to reach the door before her mother.

"It's Eli," Helen announces in an annoyed tone, without even greeting her daughter's boyfriend.

"Hi?" Eli asks more than says, looking to Clare for clarification. "Is this a bad time?"

Clare glances at her mother who has sat back down on the couch, folding her arms in front of her and staring at the TV. "Why don't we go upstairs?" Clare says quietly, pulling Eli behind her.

"What was that about?" Eli asks once Clare has shut the door behind him.

Clare sighs. "She's mad at me for taking the truck again, and mad at Glen for letting me. Especially since she's still pissed at him for letting Jake go to Mexico which pretty much escalated into fury when Jake called and told them they'd gone to Vegas instead. As if getting high on a Mexican beach and screwing Katie in a hot tub was such a wholesome spring break trip."

"Screwing?" Eli repeats, a look of amusement on his face.

Clare rolls her eyes. "Did you really think he and Katie aren't sleeping together?"

He laughs. "Uh, no, I knew that. I just have never heard you say that term before." He sits down on her bed, leaning back against her pillows. "Vegas, eh? Maybe Katie's going to break up Drew and Bianca's wedding."

"I don't know what happened, but they are flying home tomorrow instead of Saturday so something clearly went wrong." Clare is still hovering near the door of her room. She wants to join Eli on her bed, but she's nervous. Being close to him reminds her of all the thoughts she's had about him ever since last night and she doesn't want to do something that she will regret.

"So do you want to show me your article?" Eli asks, clearly concerned by Clare's nervous demeanor and the distance she is keeping from him.

Clare cringes. "To be honest, I haven't finished it yet. I thought I'd get more done today but I was kind of distracted." She grabs her laptop and sits down next to him on the bed.

"Everything okay?" Eli asks. "Or were you just distracted by thinking about getting me over here and taking my clothes off?" He is clearly joking; his whole face is twisted into a gleeful smirk. But as he leans in for a kiss, Clare jumps off the bed.

"No, not that, not at all." Eli's face lights up even further, realizing he has struck a nerve. But before he can tease her, Clare puts an end on the conversation. "But my mother is on the warpath and if she suspects that we are up here fooling around, she's never going to let me go out with you again."

Eli pouts. "Fine. Hand me the laptop. Let me look at what you've got so far."

Clare sits back on the bed and wraps her arms around her legs, biting her thumbnail as Eli reads through her work. She can tell by his expression that he's not in love with it and when he looks up at her a few minutes later, she winces. "That bad?"

He nods. "There's no 'you' in this."

"What do you mean?"

"You wrote it like a newspaper article that would get printed on page 10 of the local section. All it is are facts and dates. The names aren't even correct."

She stares at her lavender toenails because she can't meet his eyes. "When I pitched it, they said that I had to change his name and the newspaper's. Otherwise we could be sued for libel."

"But it's true," Eli said sadly.

She shrugs. "Not in the eyes of the law." Clare had been disappointed to receive a letter from the Toronto Prosecutor's Office declining to pursue a criminal case against Asher since neither she nor Jennifer had any hard evidence to back up their harassment claims.

Eli sighs, his shoulders dropping. "Well even if you're not mentioning his name, you've left out everything else."

She takes the laptop off his lap. "I wrote about the lunch where he gave me alcohol and the kiss and the attack in his car."

Eli shakes his head. "But you left out how you felt. How you were too scared to tell Ms. Oh the truth. How you couldn't even tell me at first."

"That's irrelevant," Clare says dismissively.

"Clare, _that_'s the story. You're looking at this like it's a news article, but the journal isn't going to print that. It's boring." Clare's eyes widen and Eli quickly corrects himself. "What happened to you isn't boring. But your telling of it is. Think of it as a personal essay. Like David Sedaris, but less funny. There's so much more to this than one inappropriate kiss."

Eli's joke doesn't even register with Clare. "It was hard enough to tell you," she says, tears welling in her eyes. "How can I just tell everyone?"

Eli laces his fingers in Clare's. "For every sentence you've got down, just ask yourself, 'How did this make me feel?' And you should make sure not to leave anything out. The Stuff Clare Says and the sexy director of Romeo and Jules will add some texture so the entire piece isn't bleak and depressing."

Clare stares at her laptop screen as if she has no idea where to begin. Eli reaches over and rests his hand on her heart. "Start here," he says. "Start with what made you happy and angry and sad and humiliated and vengeful. Write the story about how Asher tried to take away your strength and you didn't let him. Write it so that other girls don't feel so ashamed and alone."

Eli pulls his hand back and Clare misses it. It's not a sexual touch but a comfort to her. "Will you stay?" she whispers. "While I write it?"

Eli gives her his half-smile and leans down to pull his laptop out of his bag. "I'm working on production notes for the zombie film – and I've gotta fix the dialogue in that one scene. It's total shit right now."

For once, Clare doesn't admonish Eli for his profanity; she is wrapped up in her revision.

They work side by side for hours. Mostly it's quiet but occasionally Eli will ask Clare for casting advice (" Maybe Maya Matlin, Katie's sister…she's tiny but forceful. Perfect head cheerleader zombie. I'm not sure she acts though; she's a cellist.") or Clare will ask Eli to fact check ("Connor posted the first tweet on Thursday afternoon.") When Clare looks up at the clock once she has finished, she is shocked by how late it is. She is surprised her mother hasn't barged in to check up on them and wonders if she has fallen asleep on the couch in front of the TV.

Eli smiles at her and though she knows she should ask him to leave, Clare doesn't want him to go. "Give this another read?" she asks.

Clare knows the article is raw and painful so the grin on Eli's face while he reads it can only be because he's proud of how she's written it. "Much, much better," he confirms and she is relieved. "You're missing one thing though."

She glances at the clock. It's so late and she should get to sleep if she wants to finish this up and send it out tomorrow. "What's that?"

"You don't mention that you deleted the naked pictures before your sexy playwright boyfriend could see them."

"Eli!"

"Maybe your last line should be: "I knew the kind of journalist I was and the kind of girl I was. And I was the kind of girl who only showed my naked body to my sexy and talented boyfriend."

"You're forgetting this is journalism. Not science fiction." Clare tries to lighten the mood because she doesn't want to think about what Eli would do if she ever got the courage to take all of her clothes off for him.

"I think you mean erotic fantasy." Eli smirks. "_My_ erotic fantasies."

"I think you mean it's time to go home and take a cold shower and stop making my girlfriend uncomfortable," Clare says with a short laugh.

Eli immediately turns serious. "Am I making you uncomfortable? I'm sorry, Clare. I'm just kidding. You know I don't mind waiting."

Clare feels bad because she knows that it's not Eli that's making her uncomfortable. "You're not and I know you don't," she says softly, lowering her voice to a whisper as she continues, "but sometimes I do."

He slings his laptop bag over his shoulder and leans down to kiss her flushed cheek to say goodbye. "The article is beautiful, Clare. And so are you."

She wants to protest but she knows Eli hates it when she doesn't accept his compliments. "Thanks so much for your help. I'm going to send it in tomorrow."

He pauses at the door to her room. "Then we'll have to go out to celebrate."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or anything else.**

**Well, when I first set out to write this, it was supposed to be a oneshot with each section less than two pages each. Now it's a threeshot, with three of the remaining five dates in this chapter, and two more yet to come. You know me. I can't write anything short and simple anymore.**

**I know my updates sometimes take a long time, and as much as I wish that wasn't the case, that's probably how things are going to be more often than not. I promise you that any delay is due to a lack of time and not a lack of interest. I'd really like to thank you all for sticking with me. When I started writing fanfiction, I promised I would never start a story I couldn't finish, and I hope you know that I'm not going to disappear on you. I still love Eclare with all of my heart and I won't stop writing until I have no more stories in me. And I can't tell you how much it means you me that you keep reading them.**

**Anyway, here's the story. Apologies for any tense errors/typos. I checked this over a bunch of times, but I'm still very unsure about this third person present tense thing. The third person needs more practice; the present tense will never happen again because this has been excruciating to write. This is far from perfect and I know it, so please be gentle.**

* * *

_Wednesday_

_**Application Status: In Progress**_**. **

Eli refreshes the page one last time for good measure but he knows his status will remain the same. In two weeks, he will have his NYU interview – the final step in the application process. He's spent so much time worrying about his creative portfolio and stressing over possible interview questions that he hasn't given much thought to the other deciding factor in his ability to attend NYU, his financial aid profile.

But after an afternoon of squinting at columns of tax returns and account balances, Eli realizes that his priorities might have been a little skewed. International students barely warrant a mention on the financial aid page, ineligible for the federal grants and loans that the U.S. offers its students. His eyes gloss over at mentions of "limited institutional support" and "need-based aid," and he barely processes a list of alternate loan sources, only one of which even considers foreign students.

His head starts to hurt when he reads the figures once again. $49,000 tuition. Over $16,000 in room and board. With books and supplies, one year would run Eli nearly $70,000. And if he's lucky, he'll only need to take four and actually find a job at the end of them, but he is pretty sure that playwright and novice film director aren't exactly lucrative career paths.

Eli's phone buzzes and he answers when he realizes it's Clare. "Hey," he says, an involuntary softness rushing into his voice.

"It's after six," she reminds him. "Were you planning on coming anytime soon?"

Shit. Eli grabs his jean jacket and shoves his wallet in the pocket. "Sorry m'lady." He affects a swarthy British accent. "The chauffeur hasn't returned with the Rolls so you must excuse my tardiness as I'll be arriving on foot."

Clare's giggle lets him know that she's not annoyed. "I could meet you there," she offers. The restaurant is closer to his house so it would save time but Eli hopes the walk will help raise his spirits.

"I'll be at your house in fifteen minutes." He hopes he sounds enthusiastic, but he can't help regret inviting her out for a celebratory dinner for an article that hasn't even been officially selected for publication yet. That's at least thirty bucks down the drain and that's if they order modestly, and Eli can't help but think the night would be better served by the two of them hooking up on her couch, cost-free.

Suddenly Eli wishes he had been a little smarter about money over the last few years. His parents give him a generous allowance, wanting him to focus on his schoolwork, and the money had always been enough to put gas in Morty or take Clare out for coffee. He thinks of all the things he bought back when he was hoarding – although he had shoplifted quite a few of those items during his darkest period if he is honest with himself – and wonders how his bank account would look with those extra fives and tens deposited over the years.

But the money wouldn't stretch very far in New York City; it might cover a Metrocard but it couldn't put a dent in $70,000 a year. And it definitely wouldn't buy him four plane tickets a year to get him back home to Clare, or the inevitable "I'm sorry I was an asshole" conciliatory presents that she would deserve when he'd do something to screw things up.

Living the life in New York City seems like it's going to be more like living in the NYU cafeteria since his meal plan is so expensive Eli won't be able to eat anywhere else.

Eli pauses a block away from Clare's house and tries to put those thoughts out of his mind. He and Clare don't have much time together – just a few months left before he'll leave – and he wants to enjoy every moment. He is surprised when he finds her sitting on her front steps and is glad when her face lights up as soon as she sees him.

"Enjoying the fresh air?" he teases. Clare enjoys mocking his exercise habit and he can't help but give her a hard time about the fact that she's always indoors.

Clare wrinkles her nose. "Jake couldn't wait until I left to light up a joint so I had to make my escape early."

"He's smoking in the house? That's ballsy." Both times he smoked with Jake they went out to the backyard.

Eli can't help but think that joining Jake might be just what he needs to get his money problems off his mind. But that will piss off Clare, and Eli realizes he's never exactly offered Jake any money for the weed he's smoked off him. He doesn't exactly know what the going rate is, but staying clean is probably the best solution – romantically and financially.

"He's a mess," Clare confides as they start to walk down the street. "He and Katie broke up and it was really bad."

"What happened?"

Clare shrugs. "Apparently, she gambled away her university fund and decided to sleep with Darrin Howe in exchange for 50 grand to make up for it."

Eli's jaw drops. He reaches for Clare's shoulder and turns her face him. "The Facerange guy?" Clare nods. "Holy shit."

Eli almost feels grateful that there's someone as lost as he is about paying for university, and in one moment of sheer insanity, he can't help but wonder if there's someone who would sleep with him in exchange for fifty thousand dollars. But as he glances at Clare who is prattling on about Stanford and how insane Katie Matlin is, he realizes that losing Clare would be the worst thing that could happen to him. Much worse than having to work three jobs as a waiter to cover his student loan bills, and to his surprise, even worse than having to turn down NYU and attend U of T instead.

Eli hopes that it won't have to come to that.

At Little Miss Steaks, he takes much longer with the menu than usual. He usually orders a steak but the hamburger is a little cheaper and he's wondering if he can get away with just an order of fries. He could suggest that they pay for themselves – Clare isn't exactly a high maintenance girl and usually offers to turn turns or split the bill anyway – but he knows she'll need to save up for her own plane tickets as well. He is lucky Clare's not much of a red meat eater, but sometimes those pasta dishes she orders have seafood in them which really jacks up the price. He toys with telling her he read an article about unethical shrimp farm practices but before he can the waiter asks if they are ready to order.

"I'll have the penne with vodka sauce," Clare says sweetly, and Eli cheers inwardly. "And a Caesar side salad." His heart drops when she adds four dollars to the bill all for a pile of wilted lettuce.

"And you?"

"I'll have a cheeseburger. Medium well."

"Deluxe?" the waiter asks.

"Just the cheeseburger," Eli responds through gritted teeth.

As the waiter walks away, Clare leans closer to him. "Eli, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he says, unable to keep the sullenness out of his voice.

"Eli…"

He sighs, knowing Clare won't let him get away with being silent. "I'm just worried about next year."

"Eli, you know you'll get in…"

"Not getting in," he interrupts. "Affording it."

Clare's eyebrows raise. "Ah," she says after a moment. "I was wondering when we were going to have this conversation."

Eli resists the urge to snap at his down to earth girlfriend who would of course have taken the cost of attending NYU into consideration. "I don't know how I'm going to do it. The tuition alone is insane and with all the other costs…"

"There are loans, scholarships…you said Cece and Bullfrog are going to help."

Eli snorts. "Help? Yeah, help by buying some textbooks and maybe a one way plane ticket." He knows he's being unfair, that his parents have saved up some money for his tuition, and a lot more than most parents can afford to do for their kids. But they certainly haven't saved enough for all of it and their combined incomes after twenty years at the hospital and radio station are high enough that he won't look as needy as he feels. This is the first time he's even considered his dream might not be possible.

He hasn't felt this depressed in a long time.

Eli feels Clare's gentle touch on his hand and the pout slips off of his face. "We can go to the library and look up scholarships and Ms. Sovay has a bunch of applications. $500 here and $200 there can go a long way. If you write all the essays, I can fill out the basic info stuff for you and we can get through twice as many."

Clare's words are warming his heart and he's afraid he might actually burst into tears of gratitude in the middle of the steakhouse. "Do you think I'm crazy?" he asks before he can stop himself and when Clare looks alarmed, he clarifies, "To go to NYU when U of T is a tenth of the cost? And when it's right here near you?"

She slips her hand from his and Eli is devastated until he realizes she is sliding into his side of the booth and throwing her arms around him. "NYU is your dream. We'll find a way to make it work." She pulls back but remains in the seat next to him. "Besides it makes more sense to do the long distance thing for one year rather than three and since _I'll_ be going to Columbia…" she teases, lightening the mood.

"Shit, how much is that a year?" Eli groans. "My first film out of school will be _Living on Ramen and Love_: _A Documentary_ and it'll be about what happens when a playwright and a journalist can't afford to eat or pay the rent, let alone get married, due to their crippling student loan debt."

"Get married?" Clare asks softly.

The moment is completely genuine and as much as Eli wants to retreat to his comfort zone and take it back and turn it into a joke, he can't. "Well yeah…after university and everything I'm sure we'll…you know…get married…" He gives a short laugh and takes a sip of his water. "As long as all we want is a picnic in the park catered by the McDonald's value menu because that's all we'll be able to afford."

Clare looks astonished and Eli wonders if he's taken things too far. The waiter reappears with their food and Clare slips to the other side of the table. Eli is afraid to dig into his burger, which looks quite small all alone on his plate.

"We should start looking for jobs you know. Get a jump on the summer rush," Clare says and he looks up in surprise.

"To pay for the wedding?" Eli spurts.

"To help pay for university," Clare says slowly and Eli feels like an idiot. "And plane tickets…and you know…fries."

"Hey, I saved two dollars by passing on the fries," Eli jokes.

Clare rolls her eyes. "New York City, here we come." She waves to catch the waiter's attention. "He changed his mind; he'd like the fries if it's not too much trouble."

Eli grins. "Those two dollars were going to buy you half an ice cream cone for tomorrow's date." He reaches over and steals a bite of her pasta. "I guess we're going to have to find a way to entertain ourselves for free from now on. Maybe in your bed…"

Clare frowns at his wiggling eyebrows. "If I had a French fry, I'd throw it at you."

"Kinky," Eli jokes and ducks before her breadstick can whack him in the eye.

* * *

_Thursday_

The TV is on in the Edwards-Martin living room, but Clare's mind is elsewhere. She can't escape the sad fact that as Eli's NYU acceptance letter will arrive in just a few weeks, their time together is growing shorter and shorter. Their relationship won't end – she is confident in that – but eight months of Skype chats and texts do not compare to eating lunch together nearly every day and regular date nights.

And the logistical realities they had tried to put out of their minds are no longer avoidable. Monthly plane trips are out of the question. There are buses and trains that are cheaper but they'll lose half a weekend from each other. Their leisurely summer nights together will be few and far between, supplanted by whatever low-paying jobs they can procure in the next few months.

Clare had thought they'd have until August, but the distance between them is already becoming real.

She feels awful because for one heartstopping moment she thought Eli might actually decide to stay in Toronto for university. She knews NYU means everything to him and she supports him completely but if she's honest, she privately wishes he had a different dream. She wants to attend Columbia – it's an excellent university – but she had never seriously considered it until she learned Eli would be in New York.

She has faith that the four years she'll spend in university will be amazing for them. They just need to get through eight months of long-distance dating and they'll be ready to spend the rest of their lives together.

When Eli arrives, Clare can't help but laugh. He's wearing his usual Dead Hand t-shirt, but he's paired it with shiny black track pants and running shoes. "Didn't have time to shower?" Clare teases although he doesn't look or smell sweaty.

"I didn't have time to get a run in. Bullfrog caught me on my way out the door and told me he'd give me thirty bucks if I'd clean out the garage for him since Cece has been on his back."

"Good call," Clare says. She wonders if there's anything she can do around the house to make some cash. Maybe Glen would want some help with the business. She's not exactly handy – her father is a lawyer, not a builder – but maybe she can do some marketing for him or make him a simple website.

"Everybody's out?" Eli asks, settling down on the couch before kicking off his sneakers.

Clare nods and joins him. "Mom and Glen are visiting Aunt Jenny in Oshawa so they won't be back until late. And Jake left two hours ago though I'm not exactly sure where he went."

"Awesome," Eli says, leaning in for a kiss.

It's more than a simple hello and Clare pushes his shoulders back giggling. "Did you bring a movie with you?"

"Didn't bother," Eli says, his voice husky and inviting. "We never pay attention to them anyway."

Clare finds herself reclining back against the cushions with Eli moving on top of her, holding himself up with his arms. "So you just thought we'd make out tonight? That's your plan?" she asks. She feels nervous even though she and Eli have been in this position dozens of times.

"It's a great plan. I feel like I haven't kissed you in days," Eli breathes, letting his lips suck on the spot at the base of her neck that never fails to send shockwaves through her body. "And we're alone. And you're beautiful."

Her eyes flutter closed as he slips a hand under the hem of her blouse. It is awfully soon for Eli to make a move like that but she appreciates his gentle caress on her curving waist and stomach and the fact that he doesn't immediately take it as far as she knows he'd like to. "I suppose you do deserve a reward for cleaning the garage."

Eli's response is muffled when her mouth attacks his, her hands tangling in his hair to draw him closer. He murmurs appreciatively, pressing his body into hers. After only a minute or two of tongue tangled, passionate kissing, Clare realizes that Eli's track pants have made his erection which is usually not too difficult for her to ignore unmistakable as it presses against her thigh.

She attempts to distract herself, sliding a hand of her own underneath Eli's t-shirt and feeling his slight muscles contract under her touch. The advance seems to encourage Eli who deepens their kiss and reaches down to place a hand on her knee. She's not sure where he's going with that until that hand starts sliding up the outside of her thigh, daring to venture underneath her jean skirt, the cool metal of his ring creating a tantalizing sensation. She tenses involuntarily, afraid that he's making a move that she'll have to reject, but with a final squeeze, his hand exits her skirt and touches her hip.

She realizes through her fuzzy, hormone addled haze that his gesture was more purposeful than experimental. Eli's soft touch had persuaded her to spread her leg wider, and allowed him to nestle himself between her thighs, the hardness she had been trying to avoid now rubbing right against her. She gasps, and Eli takes this as a cry of pleasure, bucking against her, and murmuring, "Oh, Clare."

Clare thinks she should protest and end this before it goes any farther but his hips are rocking against hers and his other hand pushes her skirt up on the other side and her sensible cotton panties are rubbing against his track pants and she knows she's soaking wet.

It feels so good and Clare wonders how many more times they'll have to experiment like this before Eli leaves, to touch each other above and underneath their clothes. She knows she's still not ready to sleep with him no matter how much the thrumming rhythm mimics the act and how her legs wrap around his hips to draw him closer. She can't help thinking about his penis as it moves against her and wondering what it looks like and how it would feel in her hand.

The pace increases as their mouths fuse sloppily, any pretense of technique dropped for their inability to part for a second. The tension building between Clare's legs is palpable and she recognizes it from her few half-hearted attempts at masturbation. She has never quite figured out how to take this feeling to the next level and she wonders if Eli knows how. He is more experienced, after all, and he is so sexy, and if Clare wasn't so scared of entering unknown sexual territory, she would beg him to touch her everywhere.

A sharp thrust of his hips sends her reeling and Eli uses the opportunity to slide his hand under her and unhook her bra with surprising skill before she can protest. But when his hands remain innocent, sliding up and down her back unimpeded by fabric for the first time, she lets out a gasping, "Eli, please," that tells him she is finally ready for more.

She is surprised at how gentle he is when his fingers dip into her bra, exploring the curves and peaks that she knows he has desired for as long as she has known him. "You're perfect," he sighs and she can only let out a gentle moan in reply.

Clare's not sure if Eli has slowed down the pace because he wants to savor the new experience or if he's anticipating that this will be pinnacle of their encounter and he's trying to get himself back under control. But the only thing she knows is that she doesn't want that, and she tugs his hair roughly to reconnect their mouths and grabs his butt to encourage him to move against her again. Her efforts work and his hands and hips start moving more aggressively, Clare meeting him at every turn.

"We should stop," he groans though he makes no effort to do so. When Clare doesn't either, he continues, "Or else I'm going to cum."

Clare knows that Eli is trying to send her a signal, that she needs to put the breaks on, that he's terrified of doing something that will offend her. Ordinarily at a statement like that, she would have pushed him off her and started readjusting her clothes.

But today, it makes her want to make him feel just as amazing as she does when she's with him. And she feels like she's running out of days where she can make that happen.

She doesn't want to sleep with him at the end of August and regret all the opportunities she missed out on. She might not be ready today but she will be soon, and she wonders why she's been holding back on all of the other things she's desired. Is it her faith? Or is it just her fears?

It's Eli. She loves him. And she doesn't know that waiting for years until they are married could make her love him more than she does now.

Clare tears her lips from Eli's and he pulls back to apologize. But he hesitates before speaking and she wonders if he can see the lust in her eyes.

"I want to touch you," she whispers in a voice she doesn't even recognize and before she can lose her nerve she slides beneath the waistbands of his pants and boxers and takes him into her hand.

"Fuck," Eli groans as his rubbery arms give out on him and he buries his face in her neck.

She's tentative, barely stroking as she feels out his anatomy, learning the ridges and veins she is too shy to attempt to see. She can't believe how something so hard can feel so soft in her hands and how Eli's whole body responds to her light touch. His hips move once again and so does her hand and she lets out a moan at how intense the situation is though Eli is too enraptured to do more than grip her waist. His hot, panting breath is hitting her neck and she feels like he is a fire that's consuming her.

Clare's grip tightens and Eli releases, leaving her with a sticky hand and nothing to distract her from her nerves. She lays underneath him, wide-eyed but content until he says, "I can't believe you did that."

He is astonished, not displeased, but it reminds Clare of the doubts in her mind and the ring on her finger, and she slides out from underneath him. "I…um…" she says, her voice unsteady and she gestures at her hand before retreating to the kitchen sink.

She lets the water flow over her hands much longer than is expressly needed, unsure of what to do when she returns to Eli. She doesn't regret the act itself but she worries about her boldness and the fact that she doesn't know what this means for them. She rehooks her bra and straightens her clothes before returning.

Clare has just one moment to analyze the small smile on Eli's face as he sits waiting for her with an arm outstretched across the back of the couch, when Jake tumbles through the front door, narrowly avoiding hitting his head on the stairs. Clare gasps audibly and Eli shoots to his feet, and Clare nearly sends a silent prayer of thanks that he hadn't returned just a few minutes earlier before realizing just how blasphemous it is it to pray about such a lascivious act.

"Eeeli," Jake slurs. He drags himself to his feet and takes the seat that is clearly meant for Clare. "I'm glad you're here, man." He pulls the smaller boy into a hug and Eli shoots Clare a look of horror over his shoulder.

"You're drunk," Clare accuses. She doesn't have much experience with alcohol but she can smell Jake from across the room.

"I ran out of weed," Jake whines. He lets Eli go. "And I am heartbroken."

"Sorry to hear it," Eli says. He looks like he'd like to be anywhere else, but Clare feels grateful for the distraction.

"Did you drive like this?" Clare asks accusingly, and Jake shakes his head.

"I left the truck at the bar."

"How exactly did you get into a bar?" she asks. She knows with his height Jake could easily pass for nineteen but he's never come home wasted before.

Jake ignores her question. "Women are bitches, Eli. You let yourself fall in love with them and they just break your heart." Jake covers his face with his hands but not before Clare sees that there are tears on his cheeks.

She also notices the glance that Eli gives her, as if he's double checking that Clare isn't upset by Jake's words. She resists the urge to roll her eyes; she might have been the last girl who'd broken up with Jake before Katie but it certainly hadn't broken his heart and neither of them had been in love with the other no matter how much she had wanted it to be true at the time.

"Not all women are bitches," Eli says carefully, his eyes not leaving Clare's. "Some are pretty amazing."

Clare looks away, unable to handle the subtext of his statement after what has just happened. "Can you help me get him upstairs? Mom and Glen are going to come home eventually and I don't want them to find him like this."

"Are you okay?" Eli mouths as the two of them struggle to get Jake to his feet between them.

She gives him a small smile to reassure him but she's glad the conversation is over.

* * *

_Friday_

Eli hopes that when he invites Clare out to a bookstore the night after their amazing night on the couch that things won't be awkward between them, but he is wrong. Clare is reticently quiet, and though she makes her usual beeline for the young adult fiction section, she immediately picks a book off the shelf and buries her head in it, rather than browsing, checking up on what Eli's looking at, and responding to his jokes about her vampire fetish.

For his part, he's keeping his distance too, hovering in the graphic novel section so he can sneak glances at her. He had to beg her to come out in the first place and she only agreed once he suggested they fill out job applications there. But the bookseller informs him there aren't any openings, and Clare won't meet his eyes, and Eli's feeling completely defeated.

He keeps replaying the events of the previous night, looking for signs that he had screwed up but he can't find any. Sure, he unhooked her bra without asking for verbal permission but he hadn't even touched her until she begged him. And he was the one who suggested that they stop and _she_ was the one who had reached into his pants and jerked him off in the most delicate way possible.

He can't even think about it without wanting to pull her behind a stack of dusty books and ravage her, and he wonders if that might be the problem. If Clare is worried that now that they've taken that step, he won't be satisfied with less.

Or maybe she's worried that she's the one who wants more.

He's got the new China Mieville book in his hands and he knows he should save the money and go home empty-handed, but he can't remember the last time he left a bookstore without buying something. At the rate they are going, he and Clare will have to start having all their dates at the library, since they can't spend any money and Clare will probably never let them be alone in private again.

But when he glances back over at her, she's looking back at him and she doesn't shake his gaze. He knows this is the one opportunity he'll get to fix this and he cautiously approaches her and holds out his hand. When she takes it, he lets out a sigh of relief.

He brings her to the back of the store, to the used book section with the musty smell. There's a spot in the poetry section that is out of most sightlines and Eli recalls the tentative, exploring kisses they shared in this spot, more than a year earlier, when they were still figuring out their newfound relationship. Clare tenses and Eli wonders if she has the same memory and if she thinks he's brought her here for the same purpose. He takes a step back from her though he links both of their hands together.

"Clare, I'm sorry about last night," he begins, and when her eyes widen in horror, he backpedals. "I mean, I'm not sorry, because it was amazing, but I'm sorry if I did anything to make you feel uncomfortable."

"You didn't," she says, closing her eyes, but he barrels on.

"I just want you to know that it's okay if you don't want to do anything like that again because you're not ready or you didn't like it or whatever reason. It's fine with me."

"Eli…"

"Because I love you," he says decisively. "I loved you before last night, and I'll love you tomorrow and the next day and every day until you are completely ready to sleep with me and every single day after that. I swear."

Clare's bemused smile gives him only the slightest bit of reassurance that he's on the right track. "How are you so confident that I'm going to be ready?"

He steps closer and looks her directly in the eye. "Because my timeline is long enough that it would be nearly impossible for you not to be."

She holds his gaze. "I'm sorry I'm being so weird about all of this."

"It's okay, Clare."

"I liked it," she whispers shyly. "I just feel a little guilty for liking it."

"Why would you feel guilty?" he asks, brushing a curl behind her ear.

She looks down. "Years of lectures about how sex is a sin."

Eli realizes that he thought he had understood her beliefs. But if Clare equates a one-minute, under the pants cock rub with sex, the snail-like pace of their physical relationship suddenly makes a lot of sense. He'd gotten the impression that her parents' divorce had made her not care about the strict rules of her religion, but apparently that isn't quite the case.

"Do you feel what we did was sinful?" he asks, attempting to make sense of feelings he could never personally have.

Her response is immediate. "It felt more like love than sex."

He can't help but be skeptical. "You may feel differently when you're the one who's getting off."

She flinches but holds his gaze. "I don't think I will."

Eli feels like she's knocked the wind of out him. He wants to whirl her around and push her up against the bookshelf, but he doesn't want to scare her off. "I wanted to," he admits. "Last night if Jake hadn't come home I would have begged you to let me touch you like that."

He's shocked when she wraps her arms around his shoulders and stands on her tiptoes. "I think that can be arranged."

"We can go back to my house right now," he offers and she laughs. "You could spend the night. I won't want to let you go anyway."

She shakes her head. "My mom knows I'm out with you. I'd need an alibi."

"Tomorrow night? Tell her you've been spending so much time with me that you need some Alli-Jenna time at the Bhandaris."

"I do need some Alli-Jenna time," she muses. "Okay tomorrow." She leans in to peck him on the lips. "But I don't want to get your hopes up. I'm not ready to take the last step."

"We will do exactly what you want to do, and only that," Eli promises.

"Even if I just want to fall asleep in your arms?"

"Especially that," he says, leaning down for a kiss.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or anything else.**

**So this fic pretty much killed me. I had to rewrite this entire chapter from scratch because I had the tone completely wrong and that's part of the reason you had to wait so long for it. I think this turned out better than I had thought it would be but it's still not as good as I had hoped. The third person writing was good practice and I do think I'll attempt to work with that more in the future, particularly for oneshots (that hopefully won't turn into threeshots.)**

**For those of you waiting on a Stay update, I figured out what the problem was with the next chapter so I will hopefully be able to work on that soon. (I'll probably be too busy fangirling in the next few days to write though, so be patient!)**

**Thanks SOOOO much for all of your support. I know I say that all the time, but I truly mean it. I've gotten so many amazing comments in the past few years and some of you reviewers absolutely make my day and I wish I had time to give you the responses you deserve.**

* * *

_Saturday_

Clare is snuggled up on the couch in Eli's living room, nestled in Eli's arms as they watch an indie comedy that Clare couldn't name if her life depended on it. She's trying to pay attention and to laugh at the right times, but she finds herself completely incapable of concentrating on the film.

It's not that she's nervous about getting caught. Eli's parents know she's there obviously, though they had made a big show of going out and promised to come home really late without interrupting. And she had told her mother she was sleeping over at Alli's – even going as far to have Alli pick her up from her house and spending the afternoon with her and Jenna in order to make the alibi more believable.

She's not even that nervous about what will come later, knowing full well that the sleepover will be leading to physical experiences that are completely new to her. She trusts Eli and she knows that he will do everything he can to make her feel comfortable, even if it means stopping what they're doing and just going to sleep.

But Clare can't stop thinking about the conversation that she had with Alli and Jenna earlier that day. The two girls had questioned her for the details of her plans for the night and for the first time, Clare had felt like an active participant in one of their sex conversations. They had even gotten her to fess up to just how far she and Eli had gone and to admit that she'd been the one to take things further the last time – Alli had been supportive; Jenna couldn't believe she hadn't done that before.

This admission had led to an afternoon of Alli and Jenna giving Clare a crash course on everything from foreplay to sex positions to techniques, complete with video "tutorials" that Jenna had found on the internet during her lengthy post-K.C. celibacy. It was embarrassing but instructional and Clare hopes she has enough courage to initiate some of these things with Eli.

But the surprising thing she took from this conversation wasn't about orgasms or oral sex or the contraception which Clare was already familiar with that both girls kept emphasizing for obvious reasons. It was the realization that there wasn't really anything holding her back from having sex with Eli. For months she'd been insisting to herself that she wasn't ready, but the more she thinks about it, the more she realizes she can't name one concrete reason that she isn't.

She knows she's going to sleep with him before he leaves for NYU. And it's not just because she wants to give him something to remember her by, or because she's afraid that the experienced, sexually empowered university girls might be more tempting to him if he's not getting that from her – though if she's honest, these thoughts have crossed her mind.

But she knows she wants her first time to be with Eli. And no matter how confident she is that their love can transcend the distance, she's scared it won't be enough. She doubts her hormones would allow her to abstain much longer than August regardless and now, she's thinking there's no point in waiting even that long.

She loves Eli. She doesn't need more time to figure that out.

The three condoms that Jenna had pressed into her hand and told her she should take "just in case" are in her overnight bag. She's not sure if they will still be there by the end of the night.

The movie ends and Eli turns off the TV, stretches a little, and looks at Clare. "Did you want to go upstairs?"

She grins as she realizes he's just as eager as she is. "It's 10 o'clock," she teases. "You must be tired if you want to go to bed this early."

"It's not every night that I get to share my bed with a beautiful girl," he says, placing a hand on her cheek. "I don't want to waste a single moment of it."

He leans in for a kiss but she presses a finger to his lips. "Let's go."

Clare expects that as soon as they arrive in his bedroom he'll immediately start kissing her but after he locks the door, he darts into the attached bathroom. The momentary pause gives her a chance to feel nervous for the first time, but with a shaky sigh, she tries to push those thoughts out of her head. This is what she wants: to spend as much time with Eli as possible before he leaves for university and to share a more intimate connection with him.

When he returns, she grabs her overnight bag. "I'm just gonna change."

"You could change here," he suggests, his voice more hopeful than suggestive.

She considers his offer, but only for a moment. "I have to pee too," she says shyly and ducks into the bathroom as soon as she hears his chuckle.

Clare takes her time getting ready, changing into her pajama top and shorts. She decides to remove her bra, figuring that Eli would attempt to remove it sooner or later and she might well save him the hassle. She brushes her teeth thoroughly, attempting to remove any last trace of potato chip breath, and smoothes down one errant curl before returning to Eli.

He has changed too; black plaid pajama pants sit low on his waist, exposing a strip of his boxer shorts. His back is bare, and when he turns to her, Clare's eyes go straight to his chest. She has seen him shirtless before, but she's never had a full night to explore every inch of his skin.

Eli's eyes dart between her face and her legs, her pajama shorts hitting higher on her thighs than any skirt she owns. "Is this okay?" he asks, gesturing to his naked torso. Clare raises an eyebrow and he clarifies, "I could put a shirt on, but I usually get hot when I sleep."

_You're always hot_, Clare thinks but bites the comment back. She's not the kind of girl who needs to resort to cheesy pick up lines. So with a quick, "It's fine," she pulls back the covers on the right side of Eli's bed and climbs in. He grins at her before crossing the room to flick off the overhead light.

Within ten seconds, she is in his arms.

"Hey," he says gently. She squints into the darkness, hoping her eyes will adjust so she can see his face, not three inches in front of her. "You're in my bed."

She rolls her eyes. "Yes, I am."

"I like it," he says.

Clare's hand finds its way to his chest. "Do you really want to talk about this?" she asks, her voice huskier than usual.

"No," he says quickly and before she can move, his lips are on hers.

Clare hadn't realized that making out with her boyfriend _in bed_ would be such a different feeling than when they kissed on a couch or in the front seat of the truck or even when they lay down on top of her bed on the few occasions when her mother would leave them alone. But she feels like she is wrapped up in him as his hands tangle her hair and smooth over her hip, the light blanket covering them only intensifying the heat between them.

Things move quickly; her hands are everywhere and his follow her lead, clawing at the hem of her t-shirt. Her lips feel scratched from the slight stubble he's grown since he shaved that morning and when she pulls away to catch her breath, she can't help but reattach her mouth to his neck, sucking at the spot that she knows will make his heart race.

His hands smooth up her back, pushing up the fabric of her shirt. "No bra," he groans happily.

"Thought I'd make it easier on you," she purrs into his ear.

"Thanks," he chokes out before throwing a leg over her hip to straddle her and sliding both hands up to her breasts. Clare moans at the sensation of Eli's hands cupping her, his touch both gentle and purposeful. She tugs his hair to bring his mouth back to hers and he responds forcefully.

Clare's shirt is tangled uncomfortably under her armpits and as Eli's motions become faster and larger she realizes how much better things would be without it in the way. "Just take it off," she urges and Eli tears the fabric over her head, pressing their completely naked torsos together.

She's glad the light is off because she's still nervous about Eli seeing her like that but when his lips dip down to wrap around her nipple for the very first time, coaxing a loud noise from her, she wishes she had a visual memento of that moment. But she has no time to lament her missing memory because Eli seems to take her moan as a cue to kick things up a notch. His hands and his mouth are everywhere and it's all she can do to clutch his back and bring her hips up to meet his. It's the sexiest moment of Clare's life and she wonders why she had been so terrified to allow Eli access to her skin for all these months.

The tingling sensation between her legs that she usually tries to ignore has turned into a full on pulse, mirroring the heartbeat that has matched itself to Eli's. She wants him to touch her but she doesn't know how to ask him. She uses her feet to push the blanket off of them, unable to take the heat any longer. When he moves his mouth back up her body, trailing up her neck before latching onto her lips once more, she pushes on his chest, leading him down to the bed before taking the dominant position on top of him.

"Woah," he says before she cuts him off with a frantic kiss. His fingernails are marking her shoulders and she's rubbing her whole body on his, wishing there was even more skin uncovered.

His hand cups her butt, daring to slide a finger underneath the back of her shorts, but he doesn't take the hint that she's looking for more. Clare starts to sit up, summoning her courage to ask Eli to put his fingers inside her, but she can only muster a gasp as he leans forward to take her breast into his mouth once again. She thrusts against him more deliberately, needing to bring her body closer to release and the hand that's on her butt holds her tightly to him.

"I want you," Eli moans as his head falls back against the pillow, and Clare feels a rush of power at his words. It's not like she isn't aware he feels that way; the physical evidence presses into her nearly every time they share a kiss. But Eli is always so careful with her, afraid of saying or doing anything that could remotely be construed as pressure that this is the first time he's nakedly admitted that he desires her.

It makes her feel brave.

She swings her leg over his so she's kneeling next to him, and she can just make out his look of confusion through the shadows. "You want me…?" she teases. "Like this…?" She reaches her hand under his pants and into his boxers and touches him like she had just two nights before.

"God, yes," he cries, his hips bucking.

The time before she had gone on sheer instinct, but this time she feels like she's missing out on the experience. "Could I take these off?" she asks shyly, though she laughs when Eli immediately removes his clothes in one swift motion and leans back, his hands folded behind his head.

She looks back and forth between her hand surrounding him and his face but the darkness is obscuring the cues she needs. "Can I turn the light on? I want to see you."

His fingertips graze her waist before caressing the side of her breast. "It's okay with me. As long as you're okay with the fact that I'll be seeing you."

Clare nods, and Eli reaches over and turns on the lamp next to his bed. She blinks for a second at the influx of light and then glances down at Eli. She's never really pictured him naked before – it's not like she has anything to compare him to – but she decides she likes what she sees. She feels embarrassed that she's staring until she looks up and finds Eli's eyes glued to her body.

"You're beautiful," he says simply, and she leans down to kiss him. He pulls her against him and her hand resumes stroking him, feeling much more confident than before. It's not long before he's finished, and Clare doesn't feel the slightest bit embarrassed this time.

Eli sits up and grabs a roll of toilet paper from his nightstand, handing her a few sheets for her hand before wiping up his stomach, and Clare nearly laughs at how naïve she is, as she'd always thought he used the tissue for his allergies.

As Eli throws the toilet paper into his wastebasket, Clare starts to feel a little anxious. Taking the time to clean up has thrown off their momentum and she's not sure how to proceed. "Now what?" she asks softly.

Eli turns back to her with an intense stare. "Now it's your turn." Her eyes widen as he strides back toward her and urges her onto her back before claiming her lips and taking her breath away.

It's different now, with Eli completely naked on top of her, and only her pajama shorts and underwear separating them. It seems Eli has the same thought as he grazes her hips with his hands. "Could I take these off?"

"Please," Clare whispers, lifting her hips to assist him.

He allows himself a moment to gape at her body, and Clare closes her eyes and turns her face away, unable to meet his gaze. When he resumes his position above her, he nips her earlobe and says, "You've even sexier than I imagined."

Clare is torn between protesting and thanking him but he clearly doesn't expect a response because he thrusts his tongue between her lips before she can get a word out. She lets out a muffled squeak, unable to form a rational thought as his hands move down her body, exploring her unimpeded skin. She can feel him against her thigh – still hard despite her previous actions – and she rocks against him slightly, digging her fingers into his back. His hand is cupping her butt and pulling her leg around him, and she can't help but wish he'd stop exploring and take this to the next level.

He pulls back and she sees a question in his eyes. She holds her breath, wondering if he'll ask her to sleep with him. In that moment, she knows her answer will be yes.

But he shakes his head a little, as if he's just talked himself out of something, and places a gentle hand on her cheek. "Tell me if you want me to stop."

"Don't stop," she whimpers, spreading her legs more deliberately. He takes the hint and disappears between them, after leaving a line of open mouth kisses down her body. When his mouth and fingers move over her for the first time, she can't help but cry out in pleasure. She clenches the sheet with one hand and unconsciously cups her own breast with the other, as her body arches and shakes with each flick of his tongue. It's the first time she's ever been grateful that Eli has experience, because he figures out what she needs quickly and makes her feel ready to explode.

She calls out his name as she comes for the first time, and she notices his smirk when he finally pulls back. "Come here," she demands and she pulls him into her arms and kisses him, despite the fact that she can taste herself on his lips. Although she just had an intense orgasm, she finds she's still full of sexual energy and she attempts to work up the nerve to tell Eli about the condoms in her bag and how she'd like to use them.

But Eli detangles their bodies to wipe his face on his discarded t-shirt, steps into his boxer shorts and turns off the lamp before curling up next to her, completely spent. She pushes the hair out of his eyes and he wraps an arm around her waist, leaning in for a kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too," she returns.

"Goodnight." He buries his face in her neck and closes his eyes, only needing a few minutes before his breathing reveals he is asleep.

Clare's not able to turn off her mind that easily and spends the next hour thinking about everything that has just happened. She can't be disappointed in the fact that they didn't have sex, given all the new experiences they just shared. She's pretty sure it's probably a good thing, since she is unsure she'll feel as confident about what they've shared as she did tonight when she wakes up tomorrow. If she doesn't have any regrets, she'll know without a doubt she's ready to that next step.

_Soon_, she thinks.

* * *

Sunday

Eli is not naturally an early riser but when he wakes up to discover that the reason his arm is completely numb is because of the beautiful girl lying on top of it, he'd rather stay awake and revel in the experience. Clare must have pulled the sheet over them sometime during the night but it's now tangled around their waists and he has a pretty good view of her ample rack. He tries not to get too excited while ogling his girlfriend in her sleep, but the memories of last night are playing on loop in his brain and he has to control himself so he doesn't wake Clare up to see if she'd be interested in an encore of last night's performance.

He still can't get over how much progress their physical relationship has made in the past week and how Clare ended up being the one to initiate most of it. As much as he hadn't minded waiting, he'd glad they've finally taken these steps. It's not just about getting off, or even getting to help her complete that task; it's about intimacy, and Eli has loved Clare for so long that lying here nearly naked with her feels like he's finally gotten what he's always wanted.

It's nice, waking up next to her. He hasn't had a girl in his bed for a very long time, and though Julia and Clare are very different and his relationships with each of them couldn't be further apart, he's always enjoyed the "morning after" just as much as what came the night before. He was so young with Julia, but with Clare, it feels like their future together isn't so far away. That in just a few short years they'll be living in New York City together, sharing an apartment, sharing a bed.

_I could get used to this_, he thinks.

One of her curls is making his cheek feel itchy and as he squirms out of the way, Clare stirs in his arms. She delicately turns toward him without breaking their embrace. "Good morning," she says sweetly and he grins. Her morning voice is even sexier in person than on the phone.

"Good morning…did you sleep okay?"

She nods and smiles, letting her hand rest on his chest. "This was really nice."

He knows he has a goofy look on his face but he can't help it. "We'll have to do this again sometime."

His phone beeps loudly. "Do you usually get texts at 8 in the morning?" Clare asks.

"Only from you, wondering where I am with your coffee," he teases as he gets out of bed and digs his phone out from the pocket of his jeans. He ducks as Clare throws his pillow at him for his joke and groans as he realizes the text is from Bullfrog.

_Are you two still at it? Get your asses downstairs. It's breakfast time._

Eli gives Clare a sheepish look as she peers at him, the sheet now covering her body up to her armpits. "So there's something I may not have told you…" Eli begins. Clare raises an eyebrow. "My parents…well…the first time a girl sleeps over, they throw her a big breakfast. It's kind of a tradition."

"A tradition," Clare repeats, her jaw tightening. "And just how many times have they done this?"

"Twice," he reassures her. He figures there's no need to tell her that he had offered Imogen the opportunity to sleep over during the brief time they had dated; after all, she hadn't actually spent the night, and even if they had managed to avoid getting caught, his parents wouldn't exactly have been rolling out the red carpet the next morning.

"It's not much of a tradition then; I'm sure you can get me out of it." Eli gives her a pointed look that there's no way his parents are going to let her off that easy. Clare sighs. "You couldn't have mentioned this in advance?"

He shrugs sheepishly. "I was afraid you wouldn't stay over."

"Are they going to be really embarrassing?"

She is clutching the sheet to herself so tightly that her knuckles are white, and he wonders if she's worried his parents are going to pop in to check on them. "No more than usual."

"I have to go to church this morning," she reminds him. "I probably should get going."

He knows she's just trying to avoid his parents, but he realizes he doesn't want her to leave just yet. "You could go to the late service," he suggests hopefully.

She sits up, still holding the sheet to her chest. "This means a lot to you, doesn't it?"

"You mean a lot to me."

He's not sure if it's what he said or how he said it, but she agrees. "I'll stay…but could you try to keep them from making comments?"

"I'll do my best."

Clare slides out from under the sheet and Eli tries not to be too obvious as he checks her out. She turns away and swiftly digs her clothes out of her bag and Eli can tell she's much less comfortable than she was the night before. "I'm going to take a quick shower, and then we can go downstairs." He grabs his jeans from the floor and a new set of boxers so he can get dressed in the bathroom and give her some space.

When he returns, she's completely dressed and sitting on his bed waiting for him. "I'm surprised you didn't ask me to join you in the shower," she says, smirking slightly.

His jaw drops. "Would you have?" He'd be willing to hop back in right now if she was interested.

"Not today...but maybe someday."

He watches flabbergasted as she unlocks the door and he grabs an Arcade Fire t-shirt and shoves it over his head so he can follow her.

As soon as they arrive in the kitchen, he shoots Bullfrog and Cece a warning glare and though they are unable to keep the goofy grins off their faces, they manage to greet Clare with a warm chorus of good mornings and keep the comments about anything related to sex to themselves. Eli and Clare join Bullfrog at the table as he reads the newspaper while sipping a cup of coffee.

"Rob Ford is in trouble again," he comments. "I swear that guy's on crack or something."

"You would know," Eli jokes. He grabs the coffee pot and pours himself and Clare two mugs, pushing the sugar bowl towards her since he knows she won't drink it unless it's light and sweet.

"I have never done crack," Bullfrog protests. "I have standards." He glances at Clare. "But perhaps we should save the stories of my 80s glory days for another time."

"Who wants pancakes?" Cece asks, obviously trying to divert Clare's attention. Without waiting for a response, she plops a pile onto Clare's plate before dropping the serving platter onto the table. She heads back to the stove to fill another plate with bacon before joining them at the table.

Eli can tell Clare is still not fully at ease despite the fact that his parents are being unusually respectful and he squeezes her hand underneath the table. She gives him a soft smile before reaching for the syrup. "Thank you for the breakfast, Cece. That's so nice of you."

"Well we couldn't let you just run off in the morning," she responds. "I mean, you're practically part of the family now."

"Just don't actually become part of the family," Bullfrog adds. "Not anytime soon at least. The last thing we need is a little smartass mini-Eli running around."

"Dad," Eli chides, but Clare cuts him off.

"That won't be an issue," she reassures. Eli's mildly disappointed – not because he wants kids anytime soon; he can't think of anything worse than that – but because she's pretty much implied there would be no chance of that at all because they won't be sleeping together. "Degrassi's heath class is very comprehensive and when we do take that step, we'll be safe."

Eli tries to keep the surprise off his face but he notices that his mother looks pleased. "Don't worry, dear. Eli has a whole box of condoms in his nightstand for when the time comes."

"Mom!"

"If you would keep your room clean on your own, I wouldn't have to go in there," she teases.

Eli rolls his eyes. "Right, because the drawer in my nightstand is exactly what needs to be cleaned."

"No, that would be your computer history," Bullfrog adds. "There's so much porn in there. Don't you ever do homework?"

"Oh my God," Eli groans. Clare is unable to stifle a giggle. "Thanks for the support, _honey_," he adds sarcastically.

"If they're picking on you, they aren't picking on me," Clare says with a grin. She takes a large bite of her pancakes. "These are really delicious."

Cece asks Clare about how her classes are going and then Bullfrog tells her about a new band he got to interview at the radio station that he thinks Clare would love. Eli just sits back and watches their conversation. He's going to miss this, next year, when he's off at university – in another country, no less. But part of him wonders if someday, he and Clare could be the parents, teasing their teenage son around the kitchen table.

_Someday_, he thinks. _We'll get there_.


End file.
